Friday, April 17, 2015

coming back to write

havent wrote here in a good while.. havent been sure what to say. or if it mattered.. i want write more, but i get so lost in my thoughts anymore and then everything seems to jumble together and nothing makes sense... there is so much i am trying to grasp with my mental health, so many new things that i dont understand, its so much different dealing with things about me rather then knowing enough and being a support system for someone else.. its so confusing for me right now.. trying to figure out myself, and i know people see that something is bugging me but to ask me whats wrong and want me to answer. i wish i could i just dont have words to explain. im just not sure, i feel lost and overwhelmed. i feel like my head is in this fog, i just want to understand. when i black out i have no idea what happens, unless i am told and sometimes i dont have the option that someone can tell me, like driving home alone and blacking out part way through the drive home, knowing i stopped at the gas station because i had new pack of smokes in the car but dont remember stopping and going in... i just wish i could remember. i know there are things i have blocked out in my life, a lot of things have happened to me, and some i know i dont remember. because i have had certain things come back in dreams, just bits and pieces nothing i can piece together yet. i guess just a lot to process all at once... 

so confused right now... 


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