Monday, August 25, 2014

make it stop spinning

didnt realize it but i guess my depression is sneaking up on me  alot lately. i have said cerain things and thought way to much about things i dont need to think about.. im stressed out and i want things to calm down but there not or so it seems. im so overwhelmed lately, i have no desire to do anything, i want to hide in my room and just be with my fiance and forget about the rest of the world right now.. i am so lost in why i feel this way. im tired of being stuck in this house, i cant take her anywhere. we dont get to go enjoy ourselves outside of this house, and i really think its taking a toll on me. there is so much i want to say and talk about but no words are coming to mind, i dont know how to explains a lot of my feelings and thoughts. the feeling of being disconnected again is slowly coming in. its messed up when you feel like you are watching yourself do all this stuff like seeing my self sitting in my chair and watching myself type this blog right now.. its a weird feeling. i just feel so blah lately, it sucks because there are so many things i would like to do with my fiance, but i just feel like shit all the time. im tired all the time and i dont sleep good anymore, my dreams are stupid and ridiculous and it drives me crazy, but i try to not talk about all the craziness when i am sleeping. even though... at times it scares the hell out of me.
i dont really understand why my ex's are still in my brain.. i am not talking about my recent ex. i am talking about a few ex's a long time ago. why wont they stay away? they need to leave me alone, i dont think about them, or i try not to, i hate flashbacks and reliving stuff that hurt so bad,
i dont even know what to say now, i am now at a loss for words
good night

2 comments:

  1. Im sorry baby you are going thru so much, dont forget i am here you can wake me yp whenever you need to, I may need my sleep but I sleep way to much, I cant help it, thanks chronic fatiuge, I care and wish i could do more to make you feel better, i hate that I sleep all day but its my escape.

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  2. i know you need sleep baby, and i have several times wanted to wake you up so i can talk to you or just cry or just tell you to hold me, but i dont want to interrupt your sleep, i dont know my emotions are everywhere lately. i wish i could slow them down or control them.. like all the fucked up dreams i am having..i dont say anything because they scare the hell outta me..i love you baby '

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