feelings

feeling a bit depressed.... maybe having a bit of a pity party but feeling like crawling in a hole tonight. i just wish i felt important... i wish people wanted to call me! why cant i be happy with what i have? i have a wonderful girlfriend and a great boyfriend. we are doing everything to stay above water and stay happy but it seems everytime we start to get somewhere it just blows up in our faces again.... i am soooo tired of trying especially with that van. i know i know she wants to keep her van and i understand its hers and she loves her van even though its old... i get that i was the same way when i had my own vehicle. i just dont know how much longer i can stay calm with college right around the corner and not having reliable transportation. i need to be at school. i dont want to to miss school. i havent even started yet but its my life were talking about here. and i dont want to be flipping burgers everytime i go look for a job. i need something to do that i enjoy and that i can handle. no more fast pace krap 30 seconds to get this done 30 seconds to get that done. a million people in line frustrated and cant wait a fricken minute for their food. what do they think i am a dam robot? i dont think so. yes it makes me angry. if you cant be patient then make it yourself. god dont stand there giving people the evil eye and expect us to be all cheery and happy back at you. but we have to be.... why? because its our job to work like a dog and then deal with the abuse from the customers. and i am not saying they are all like that but a lot of them are. i just know i need something a little less stressful. i need something a little slower and little cleaner. and i need people to be ok and patient and know that i care about what i am doing and that i care about them as a customer and that they need to be a little respectful back. i swear when people walk into a fast food joint they are completely different people then they are everywhere else. i watch them turn from kind people into impatient jerks sometimes.
anyways..... i really want things in my life to turn around. i love my girlfriend and i love my boyfriend and i wouldnt change that for anything. but when i say i want to feel important i am talking about people who say they are my friends. i never hear from many of them. they dont talk to me hardly ever and when i come to michigan to visit they say they will come by to say hi or meet me somewhere and never show up or call. it just makes me feel like a piece of dirt. i want to feel important dang it. i hate feeling like dirt on the bottom of someones shoes. anyways i will stop writing now.